Saturday, April 12, 2008

The three big questions of life (my life at least)

How can you even feel comfortable in a place like this? There's nothing comforting about it. Its' grey walls, Velcro lined with fur or some such cheap imitation, glassed in by windows on one whole side but can't look out, glass cubicles to bring back images of cold, unwelcoming incubators, all around phone's ringing, lines buzzing, people talking, women squabbling - how can you even feel comfortable in a place like this?

Brings back to me images of a time when I would stroll nonchalantly through dusty corridors, smile at watchmen and make small-talk, get up and walk around like I belonged to the place and the place belonged to me. Alas, those times have long gone and it's time I wake up and get used to living in this mini-HR hell hole! See I have no complaints about the job I do and what is expected of me, none whatsoever. It's the place. It isn't welcoming. Each day that I walk in to work I feel like a stranger visiting my neighbors friends grandmom at the local old age home.

So that brings me to the purpose behind this post. People need to make offices friendlier, more comforting and less hostile. Some of you will scream bloody murder that 'you come to an office for one reason and one reason only and that is to work'! And I agree that is just what it is all about - it's all about working and work does not necessarily have to be fun. Thats why its called work I suppose. But then wouldn't it help to have offices that are friendlier, more comforting and less hostile?

As menial and stupid a complaint as it may seem to be, I'm now living a life wherein all I do is go to work and go back home. So, if spending the major part of my day at my office is going to be the way of life, I can't help but complain about my working environment....

Try to understand people I'm bored here, I got nothing better to do. At this point I have even contemplated buying myself one of those snazzy jazzy mini revolver thingies to blow my brains out - just for kicks - just to break out of this monotonous cycle. God when I look back at my life and I see all that I've done (all the fun things, all the not- altogether-smart things, all the crazy things, all the dangerous things) and then I look at myself as I am today, all I can say is "what the hell happened along the way?" I'm not cut out for this way of life, neither was I cut out for that way of life - then what way of life am I cut out for?? I sit here counting the hours and minutes left for me to go home and when I get back home I sit there counting the hours and minutes to leave home. So, I'm neither here nor there - then where the hell am I???

I struggle with making sense of things that already make sense to most others, I struggle with making sense of things that don't make sense to others - but for what joy? since I'm neither here nor there. I wonder if other people feel these things. I'm sure they do but don't think it important enough to ponder over. See thats one of my quirks, I take all the inane, non sensical bits and pieces of life and strew it all out in front of me and try to assemble it to resemble something that I'm not quite sure I want or understand.

And then I take the other more apparently important issues, the major priorities, the essential emotions, the most valid of all thoughts, and leave them scattered in bits and pieces lying somewhere in the darkest, deepest recesses of my mind, trapped and locked away behind a door that I won't open because I don't care to open it anymore. In short, it's the small matters that matter the most to me and the big things I conveniently avoid or just laugh off. What kind of a weird, fucked up person am I?????

That leaves me to the last bit of this childish, immature, odious drivel that I choose to call my blog post. I know people all tend to be two-faced, maybe not as abhorrent as in the strict sense of the word, but yes we are all like chameleons I would like to think. We change our colors with every changing situation, concept, individual and mood that we presently find ourselves stuck with. But then can it be natural to say one thing at one moment and then say the complete opposite in the very next instant? I supposedly preach about things like living life to the fullest, doing all the things that you want to do and then in the next instant and with the next someone I'm ranting and raving about how we got to do the same old things to survive in a world thats more monotonous than the very word 'monotony' itself. I mean if there is something called as three faced I think I'd be the only one nominated for that oh so wonderful title. That brings me to my last question - who the fucking hell am I??

Alas, if I could answer these three questions:
1.Where the hell am I? (where am I?)
2.What kind of a weird, fucked up person am I? (what am I?)
3.Who the fucking hell am I? (who am I?)

in a manner that makes some semblance of sense to me, I'd probably be a happier person. But alas......

[Note to the general audience - The images that I have posted are not my own. These have just been randomly selected to suit my posts.]


Rocher said...

Answer 1: This is what I'd like to call the real fucking world we all live in disgust.
Answer 2: Umm..yeah you're weird alright!!!
Answer 3:

Harsh Taneja said...

what the hell happened along the way?" I'm not cut out for this way of life, neither was I cut out for that way of life - then what way of life am I cut out for??

This question has plagued me for ages now.